


A Storm for This Port

by nonebutyou



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Developing Relationship, Episode Tag, Infidelity, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2020-04-24 04:10:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19165537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nonebutyou/pseuds/nonebutyou
Summary: Ben can be impossibly, frustratingly mercurial. It says something about Callum that Ben fascinates him all the same.





	A Storm for This Port

**Author's Note:**

> Episode tag for Thursday, June 6th.
> 
> (Hooray, I finished this just in time for it to be jossed!)

Afterwards, as the night air rapidly cools the sweat on the back of Callum’s neck and leaves a solid weight of guilt and regret in its place, Ben slouches against the picnic table and says, ‘So what happens now, Callum?’

Callum’s fingers fumble over the buttons of his trousers, and he looks up to find Ben watching him with a curiously neutral expression, composed in a way no one who’s just had sex in a public park should be. He can’t help but resent Ben for it, not when it contrasts so starkly with how unsteady he feels.

‘Nothing happens,’ he says flatly, avoiding Ben’s eyes. ‘What we just did— it changes _nothing_.’

It’s a lie, of course, and it rings false as soon as he says it. Ben has worn down Callum’s defences and left his mark already; even now, Callum is hyperaware of all the places Ben has touched him, desire still prickling faintly at his skin. His secrets can stay secret, just between the two of them, but he can never undo the memory of what it feels like to be completely consumed by Ben Mitchell.

‘It doesn’t?’ Ben pushes himself up from the table and stalks closer. ‘Just an ordinary night out for you, is it? Drinks at E20, handjobs with a man after?’

‘It’s not like that,’ Callum snaps as Ben stops barely a step away. ‘Don’t make it sound so—’

‘Seedy? Sordid?’ The infuriating, mocking tone that Callum’s so familiar with creeps into Ben’s voice, but it gives way to something oddly gentle in the next moment. ‘That’s what it is, Callum. You got off in a park with another man while your girlfriend is probably sitting at home waiting for you.’

‘It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t have to change anything unless I let it.’

‘Ah. Straight back into denial, are we?’

‘Oh, fuck you,’ Callum says angrily. ‘Is it possible at all for you to have one conversation without having a go at me? I’m glad you have the confidence to go around screwing whoever you like, but I’m not there yet. I don’t know if I ever will be. Can’t you understand that?’

Ben is silent and Callum presses the heels of his palms over his eyes, trying to keep himself together. He has no idea where to go from here and he wants, more than anything, to know which of the dozens of paths unfurling before him is the right one to take.

‘I’m sorry,’ Ben says quietly. ‘You’re right. I said no one can rush you into coming out and here I am, doing it again.’

‘Yeah.’ Callum breathes out deeply and drops his hands. ‘I’m sorry, too. I shouldn’t have said all that. I know— well, I’m guessing you meant well.’

Ben smiles. It’s unexpectedly sweet and Callum is reminded of how impossibly, frustratingly mercurial this man can be. ‘I did, but I’m no good at making it sound like I do.’

‘I know. Might be better if you dial down on the sarcasm a bit if you’re trying to help.’

‘Right. I’ll remember that.’

Ben shifts back to sit on the picnic table again, feet on the bench seat, and after a moment’s hesitation, Callum follows.

‘I love Whitney,’ he tells Ben. He doesn’t check, but he senses Ben turning slightly to look at him. ‘She’s an amazing girl and she’s stuck with me through a lot. It might just sound like an excuse to you, but I don’t want to hurt her.’

‘Give her some credit,’ Ben says, surprisingly mildly. ‘She’s survived a lot worse than a boyfriend telling her he’s into blokes.’

‘She shouldn’t have to “survive” anything else. She should be happy. I want to make her happy.’

Ben sighs. ‘That’s nice and all, but where’s it end? You’ve moved in together. She’ll want a ring on her finger soon enough. And then it’ll be kids, won’t it?’

‘I want those things, too, you know,’ Callum says honestly.

‘Yeah? Then why we having this conversation? Sounds like you can go and live happily ever after with Whitney right now.’

Callum glances at him and pointedly doesn’t rise to the bait. ‘There’s the sarcasm again.’

Ben doesn’t say anything, but there’s so little space between them on the table that in the split second before Ben kisses him, Callum reads his intentions in the way his entire body seems to still, like a predator about to pounce. There’s no room in Callum’s head for anything else after that; Ben, brash and brazen as he is, has the ability to silence Callum’s doubts and fears with nothing more than a single, deliberate touch. He only wishes it could last forever.

‘Fine. Let’s say you manage it,’ Ben says. His lips drift along Callum’s cheekbone. ‘You go home to Whitney and pretend nothing happened tonight. Life goes on. A wedding in a year or two, cute little baby not long after that. And that’s it. If you’re so set on keeping Whitney happy, you’ll never be the one to leave. There’d be a lot more hurt once there’s a marriage and kids in the mix.’

Callum closes his eyes and pictures it, that future stretching out before him.

‘Look, I ain’t trying to be cruel.’ Ben pulls back to stare intently at him. ‘But you only get one life. Don’t spend it living a lie for someone else.’

Callum tries to laugh, a poor attempt at avoiding the truth in Ben’s words that gets stuck in his throat. ‘I think it was almost better when you were trying to wind me up all the time.’

‘I can if you want,’ Ben says, smiling. ‘It’s a lot more fun making you angry than making you sad.’

Callum shakes his head, returning the smile. It’s getting late. If Whitney’s finished at the club with Ruby and Jay, she’ll be back at the flat, wondering what’s going on. His excuse— that Stuart needed his help with something— can only hold up for so long. He’s already betrayed her trust tonight; he doesn’t want to add more lies on top of it.

But there’s a strange comfort in being with Ben that makes it hard to leave. The thing is, the sedate future Callum had imagined with Ben’s help is not completely without its charms. If he has to, he could be content with it.

Ben, though... Ben makes him want more than contentment. He can get Callum’s blood boiling in an instant and then disarm him just as efficiently with nothing but sincerity. He’s messed up and doesn’t seem to care that Callum is, too. There’s no trying to be perfect with Ben, because Ben sees right through him. The freedom is intoxicating.

But as if he knows Callum’s having trouble leaving, Ben makes the first move and steps off the table. He slides his hands into his pockets and tilts his head, studying Callum in the moonlight. It occurs to Callum that while Ben might be able to see through him, Ben himself is still inscrutable in so many ways.

‘You better get back,’ he says. ‘Goodnight, Callum. I hope that whatever you decide to do, it’ll be something you can live with.’

Callum watches him go and hopes for the same.


End file.
